I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
