she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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