quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
