He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
