that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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