They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
