And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
