Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
