Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
