yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
