Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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