So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
