OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
