Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
