Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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