So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
