You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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