Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
