we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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