My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
