I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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