I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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