All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
