But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize