u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
