I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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