I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize