just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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