doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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