What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
