Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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