I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
