i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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