I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
