there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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