I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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