I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
