once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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