i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
