She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
