you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
should my penis look like a turkey
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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