you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
