so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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