I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
