Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
