How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
