just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
