i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
