Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
