i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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