You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
