Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
