i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
