Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
