so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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