Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
