After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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