we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
