He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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