I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
