But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Too much gin, very little bucket
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
