he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
