Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
