How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
