My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
