He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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