I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had to cum in my sink.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
