dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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