carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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