Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
