Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
