Soap is not a condiment
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
