I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
