there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
whose ass print is on the piano?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
