If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
